Category Archives: fearful
next new roads..
Well folks, my manuscript “Taking it to the Filter” is in the editing process and in Gods hands now. Once that’s done – off to the publisher, hopeful by spring I’ll have that one on the shelves too. Don’t forget you can still get my other books either ordering online or if you’re around Nashua at Annie’s Book Stop. Now onto my next project – it’s gonna be fun seeing where this goes…
filter
So, in the end, well the end of each day.
I try my best to go over those moments that gave me reprieve and ask God to help me with those that are not so good.
Learning to accept.
Learning to let go.
Learning to laugh to leaning to love.
To learning to be free.
Free from that all or nothing attitude that can make me take anything that I do to that bitter end, right to that filter.
My friend would often laugh and just say, “Be good where you’re at or move!”
That man I learned what it meant to him on their bitter endings.
To those that I would be asking for help today for a better tomorrow.
To being blessed on passing the message of hope to those that haven’t found that shores of a better life and to thanking God each and every day I’m alive, that I don’t have to take anything to the end like I did before.
When I can pause, and be open, be mindful and be free.
From that self-appointed prison on how I lived in the past and how I hope to do better in the future on how I – on how we, can handle those changes, to those moment that take me,
that can take us, to the endings of The Filter…
Lemons
Making juice out of something that can or meant to be is easy in life.
Well maybe for some.
I’ve had to learn to pick up those lemons that are mine and a few that were tossed at me and try each and every day to make juice.
So in life I’ve found that it’s when I have to improvise and adapt just to survive is where I find the courage and strength that comes from giving it over to God and let it happen the way it was always going to happen anyways is where I find the best juice today.
That energy that I can tap into that will help me through some of the best moments in life to that faith in life when the unfortunate happens, and know that I’ll be alright.
Many years ago a wish person had shown me not just with their words – but more by their actions that it’s okay to fell.
It’s how we get back up to live yet another day and try to make the best of any situation livable by making juice out of Lemons…
The rest will come
“When asking for help and the element that I’m changing every day.
Not to appease anyone.
I think of the phrase, ‘To thine own self be true.’
Now there’s some words.
That’s all I can do today is stay as truthful as I can and that comes with a ton of willingness that I for one can fall short of, on a daily basis.
But that’s the point isn’t it?
To try,
To move forward,
To be true – be true to one self. The rest will come in time.
With God’s help this has been true in my life.
Will, at least with the part of me trying to be more willing and falling short and trying to stay open, and to – oh ya, most everything that can pull me into that tailspin that will keep me from looking at those things that have been a driving force in my life.
The only difference today is that that driving force isn’t driving me off a cliff but driving me to do better than I did the day before, hell even a few minutes before.
So I’ll continue to pray for myself so that I’ll stay willing to pray for those that come into my life and show me with their actions, their fork tongues, their way of seeing life and others poorly just to make themselves feel today and so that I may reflect and be reminded that I, and only I with God’s help can change the person that I was to the person that God always wanted me to be.
To thine own self, be true.”
-Taking it to the Filter-
just because
“Just because we feel alone, doesn’t always mean we’re alone in a crowded room full of people. But being lonely and alone in a room full of people, now that can feel crowded…”
-Taking it to the Filter-
neither
sign
I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I usually tell folks a quote that I use when I’m going through life’s moments and it goes like this. “My spirituality is not the same as yesterday, a week ago or even months or years. It’s continuously changing. It has to, for I too am changing continually. Be it over time, a day or even just simple moments.”
So when I do come upon those times of distress and have to reach towards that strength that can be nothing short of a miracle can get me through something.
I’ve found that God is in the pause.
I’ve also come to think that when I lose someone, be it by natural causes or by other foul manors. In order to be able to process that loss I think that the dead take care of the dead, just as I’m convinced today that the living takes care of each other.
That their parting soul, their essence, their suffering and pain and even their love have moved on. But then there are those times that I know and I’ve talked to a lot of other people about this that there can be those rare crossings, those moments when we find ourselves thinking of them and we find those signs.
Just as I’m convinced today that those signs are placed in front of us so we can know, maybe even feel their presence, their love from the other side, to just remind us that we are not alone today, that we are loved and not forgotten.
-Taking it to the Filter-
ultimate price
“Most of you know that I write and those that don’t – well I do, maybe not as well as some but well enough.
When I started writing years ago it was just a large part of putting my thoughts down on paper. Later it turned into something more,
something that I’m forever grateful for and one that I could never have done had I not gotten sober and stayed that way.
Good or bad life goes on.
As with anything, my writing started to change, change from recovery to just plan life.
Not just my life but those that are around me, around us every single day.
Most times when I’m putting short stories together a small connection can be found and with most times, I even knew who the book was going to be dedicated to well before it was even done and sent to the press – but not this one.
With the grace of God,
I’ll have my fifth book out next year and it will be called, “Taking it to the Filter.”
The title came from someone I knew that referred that statement as,
“Once you made a decision you see it to the end. Taking it all the way, finishing what you’ve started.”
Be it a book, a class, an argument, even a cigarette or going to the gym.
Changing something about yourself – be it for the better or dare I say worst.
Like I said, good or bad; so with the loss of yet another one – another friend passing, I’ve found myself sitting and doing what helps me deal with a feeling, I write.
I write down about a feeling, a feeling that if there was something, anything, that could have been done differently, could I have, and the answer to that question keeps coming back as a no. Yet here I am writing because I’m so damn mad.
So, so very numb and so powerless over the situation that as long as I’m been staying sober people that I’ve gotten close to or not have paid the ultimate price.
I can’t do much from where I sit;
I’ve given my thoughts, my prayers, my condolences and one other thing.
Whenever this new book of short stories does go to print next year,
I know now who the dedication will go to.
It will go to,
“All those that have found the shores of sobriety and to all those that have paid the ultimate price of being in their cups ‘til the end.”
The end of Taking it to the Filter… “
life just keeps getting stranger
“The dead take care of the dead and the living take care of the living, but every so often there’s a crossing – every so often there is a need, a wrong that needs righted or a moment that comes that plays out the way it’s meant to be and help is there.
The dead care for the dead as the living do the living just as the crossing, that bridge has happened before – can bring peace to the living as surely as it does for the dead.
It’s happened before and it will happen again, every so often the way is set clear.
The path is open to those in need, those that need forgiveness, those that crave answers and those that harbor trouble spirits.
To see, to speak, to once again find those that are nether here or there.
Sometimes it’s hard, bitter sweet, healing and forgiving, frightening or full of hope.
It can be magical to some just as forbidding to others.
The dead take care of the dead just as the living takes care of those that are.
But one thing is clear, that pathway – that bridge is very Strange..”
-Strange Alice-
houseonbluelawn 