Dance to the Rhythm of Life

As I sat there in the meeting hall looking down at the card that was just passed to me – someone’s anniversary no doubt.
Someone celebrating another year of sobriety.
Ya!, for them.
Not really paying much attention to who’s anniversary is was.
I knew it wasn’t the person who was giving their testimony to all of us.
That person identified themselves as having three months.
So I know it wasn’t them, someone in the crowd then, but who?
It comes a time when I look at these cards, the small writing of hope, encouragement, best wishes and great job and I stop.
I usually take that small moment to read some of what others has written down.
Or more to the point – passed down.
Should I write congrats, best wishes, keep it up?
I find myself writing down, “Be open, be mindful, be free, dance!”
What the hell was I thinking?
As I pass the card to the person to my right.
It was probably one of those moments when I was feeling good – maybe not great – just okay.
Passing this message of hope.
Finding out that I had to the open.
Finding that I had to be willing to change was one of the things that I kept hearing at meetings.
How often I would hear, “When you get sick and tired of doing it your way – try ours.” “Being open on taking suggestions.” That’s what was said to me, are still being said to me, as I look up at the speaker finishing up their story.
Hearing someone share about where they’re at in life.
Being mindful of my surroundings.
Taking the responsibility of my own recovery.
Finding out that I wasn’t bad trying to be good – when using.
When I’m using I’m just plain sick.
In recovery I’m trying to be better.
Being free from the bondage of my using and that’s when the miracle happened.
I started being part of life.
Not living in the past but moving forward.
Dancing to life.
Seeing the world with what seemed like a new set of eyes.
Hearing sounds as if my life before was soundless.
So in a sense being open to new thoughts that were not my own was some sort of Power greater than myself.
Taking the time to hear a God of my understanding that was helping me on my journey all along.
How often I would hear, “A sentence could save your life.”
Or, “The person next to you could be the one that helps you next.”
Or, and I don’t know if this is cool or not but I would hear, “The person next to you could be gone tomorrow.”
Either way you look at it, being open in all my surroundings begs me to be mindful in all my affairs.
Taken those old ways of using, those lifelong concepts that I grew up with and turning them around.
Turning those less than feelings towards something good.
Talking and trying to, “Live and let live,” are not always the simplest things to do in life. But as I hear often, “Where are you going kid?
There’s no graduation.
No diploma at the end of all this.”
Well except the one that was given to me on my fifth anniversary.
It was one of those funny diplomas that a friend made up for me.
The diploma was for being an ass.
I love passing that one around today.
Which brings me to being free of doubt today.
Knowing full well that I have a disease and taking the responsibility to do something about it.
There came a day when I no longer look over my shoulder or that feeling that the other shoe was about to drop.
Coming to believe if I can be honest with one thing today – was to be honest with my disease.
I’ve heard, “Once a pickle, always a pickle. You can never go back to being a cucumber.” Or if you like, “If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck.”
Doesn’t really matter much, it’s the freedom that comes with accepting and living today. Which brings me to dancing to life.
Taking care of myself.
Finding new and healthier ways to express my feelings.
We all do things differently – we can all look at one thing and still see what we want. Taking the time out of my day just to find me.
Meaning, and as weird as this sounds.
Someone asked me when I first came in recovery, “What hobbies do I have?”
Couldn’t tell ya in the beginning – well other than drinking.
Isn’t that a hobby?
So why did I write down, “Be open, be mindful, be free, dance?”
Well it’s because I truly believe it today.
Stick around, you too can learn how just like I have, how I continuously learn how to, Dance to the Rhythm of Life…

In the Great and Endless

Within myself I’ve always found that upon hearing someone or something that was inspiring, moving or great was motivating.
It made me look at what I was doing in and around my own life.
Was I doing anything inspiring, moving or even great?
But in the past, when the reality of my flight was anything but great – but it was endless it seemed nevertheless at times.
All those times looking for something to take away the pain or even to make that moment that much better seem to be endless.
Okay – not all the stuff I went through was great, inspiring.
But it did get me moving.
But that’s just it.
It doesn’t have to be.
It’s the things that happens to us as a people, as a whole, that makes us shift in our attended course in our lives.
All those things.
It made me who I am or who we are.
So ya, in a sense, they were moving, inspiring or even dare I say – great moments. Knowing that I’m not the only one going through things in life and that I’m not alone.
That I will always have something greater than me to lean on in life is truly a miracle.
That in itself is inspiring.
When I finally turned it over – meaning my will.
It was moving.
Looking back now it seems that my journey was endless.
Always looking for something is what moved me.
Endless days hanging out with people that were doing the same thing in and around my life.
Looking back now seeing the time wasted on endless searches that turned up empty every time.
Like that archaeologists looking for those signs of life gone by.
Endless times of telling myself that, “It’s going to be different this time.”
Was probably the biggest lie I would tell myself.
Endless dreaming that life would hand me a favor or endlessly thinking that life’s not fair.
Oh, and add in that I wasn’t doing a bloody thing to change any of it, in and around my life.
Always sitting on the sidelines having my opinion but not looking at the solution. Endless, endless, endless.
So here it is – many years removed from that person where finding hope were I was hopeless.
Turning my will over to a God of my understanding and finding peace with that past that moved me.
Has been just one of those moments that are great.
To these inspiring times of seeing a host of friends doing the same things, is beautiful.
Even the little things like watering the lawn can be inspiring.
Considering that that same lawn was the one I used to pass out on then come to after being out all night.
Coming to in the morning and watching people heading off to their causes, their moments.
The great an endless journey is there for all of us.
But be warned.
Once started, once you’ve opened up that gate and take that first step – nothing is the same.
Our eyes are open.
The way we think of ourselves has changed.
The way we look at folks around us becomes more real as we take more steps down a new path before us.
Before I turned my will over, way before I used chemicals as a way of life.
I dreamed of great things.
Those childish dreams – those endless wants, seems like a lifetime ago.
In a sense, it was someone else’s life.
I’ve heard, “Don’t forget where you came from.”
I’ve also heard, “The old you and the new you can’t be on the same journey.”
So I’ve come to look at it as that caterpillar.
Where one journey ends.
This new and wonderful life has emerged.
For all those new dreams we dream.
When we stopped and get inspired by people.
Moved by greatness.
We stopped and looked at ourselves and see hope that the road we are on is now full of new life.
New beginnings.
Within and without what we need or our wants.
Here, In the Great and Endless…