Dance to the Rhythm of Life

As I sat there in the meeting hall looking down at the card that was just passed to me – someone’s anniversary no doubt.
Someone celebrating another year of sobriety.
Ya!, for them.
Not really paying much attention to who’s anniversary is was.
I knew it wasn’t the person who was giving their testimony to all of us.
That person identified themselves as having three months.
So I know it wasn’t them, someone in the crowd then, but who?
It comes a time when I look at these cards, the small writing of hope, encouragement, best wishes and great job and I stop.
I usually take that small moment to read some of what others has written down.
Or more to the point – passed down.
Should I write congrats, best wishes, keep it up?
I find myself writing down, “Be open, be mindful, be free, dance!”
What the hell was I thinking?
As I pass the card to the person to my right.
It was probably one of those moments when I was feeling good – maybe not great – just okay.
Passing this message of hope.
Finding out that I had to the open.
Finding that I had to be willing to change was one of the things that I kept hearing at meetings.
How often I would hear, “When you get sick and tired of doing it your way – try ours.” “Being open on taking suggestions.” That’s what was said to me, are still being said to me, as I look up at the speaker finishing up their story.
Hearing someone share about where they’re at in life.
Being mindful of my surroundings.
Taking the responsibility of my own recovery.
Finding out that I wasn’t bad trying to be good – when using.
When I’m using I’m just plain sick.
In recovery I’m trying to be better.
Being free from the bondage of my using and that’s when the miracle happened.
I started being part of life.
Not living in the past but moving forward.
Dancing to life.
Seeing the world with what seemed like a new set of eyes.
Hearing sounds as if my life before was soundless.
So in a sense being open to new thoughts that were not my own was some sort of Power greater than myself.
Taking the time to hear a God of my understanding that was helping me on my journey all along.
How often I would hear, “A sentence could save your life.”
Or, “The person next to you could be the one that helps you next.”
Or, and I don’t know if this is cool or not but I would hear, “The person next to you could be gone tomorrow.”
Either way you look at it, being open in all my surroundings begs me to be mindful in all my affairs.
Taken those old ways of using, those lifelong concepts that I grew up with and turning them around.
Turning those less than feelings towards something good.
Talking and trying to, “Live and let live,” are not always the simplest things to do in life. But as I hear often, “Where are you going kid?
There’s no graduation.
No diploma at the end of all this.”
Well except the one that was given to me on my fifth anniversary.
It was one of those funny diplomas that a friend made up for me.
The diploma was for being an ass.
I love passing that one around today.
Which brings me to being free of doubt today.
Knowing full well that I have a disease and taking the responsibility to do something about it.
There came a day when I no longer look over my shoulder or that feeling that the other shoe was about to drop.
Coming to believe if I can be honest with one thing today – was to be honest with my disease.
I’ve heard, “Once a pickle, always a pickle. You can never go back to being a cucumber.” Or if you like, “If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck.”
Doesn’t really matter much, it’s the freedom that comes with accepting and living today. Which brings me to dancing to life.
Taking care of myself.
Finding new and healthier ways to express my feelings.
We all do things differently – we can all look at one thing and still see what we want. Taking the time out of my day just to find me.
Meaning, and as weird as this sounds.
Someone asked me when I first came in recovery, “What hobbies do I have?”
Couldn’t tell ya in the beginning – well other than drinking.
Isn’t that a hobby?
So why did I write down, “Be open, be mindful, be free, dance?”
Well it’s because I truly believe it today.
Stick around, you too can learn how just like I have, how I continuously learn how to, Dance to the Rhythm of Life…