Where did I park My Life
Why does it always seem like when I have it all ironed out in my life,
something always comes along to remind me that the only certain in life is change?
I mean really,
just what more does my higher power have in store for me in this life?
My sponsor would probably say anything and everything – he’s like that,
very vague – when I’m looking for a direct answer in my life.
Now don’t get me wrong – in the beginning there was a lot that I needed help with. Help with the simple fact that I couldn’t drink in safety any longer,
help with not knowing where to turn,
help with the fact that – at the time it felt like my life was over.
In the beginning it seemed that drinking wasn’t the problem.
It was my parents, my bosses, or whomever I was with at the time.
As simple as that.
But what I didn’t know at the time was that I had given alcohol free reign of my life.
It told me that I knew more than my parents at the ripe old age of 14.
Wherever I worked my bosses would tell me,
“This is how it’s done”.
I would say,
“But I know a better way”.
The same with any relationships that I was in –
“Do what I say, not what I do”.
Ya, like that worked.
But alcohol told me that I was right, and they were wrong.
Did you ever wonder why WAR was sometimes spelled in capital letters?
I think for me it stands for We Are Right,
So does that mean You Are Wrong?
Mr. Webster’s definition of YAW is a verb – to deviate from the intended course.
To move unsteadily.
Could the problem really be me?
Alcohol said it was ok.
But it was anything but ok.
All this time fighting the WAR on others,
when the truth of the matter was the YAW, right in my face.
Looking right back at me with blood shot eyes,
unbrushed teeth and no clean socks.
How unsteadily I moved through life.
How deviated from my intended course did I go.
And still, alcohol said it was ok.
I don’t think that there was ever a time in my life that I said,
“Gee, I think I’d like to be an alcoholic
and that I would like my life to be unmanageable”.
It just happened.
That’s the truth of the matter.
Neither right nor wrong, but the truth.
There’s still a lot of work ahead for me.
But with the help of my sponsor,
meetings and a higher power to help me on this intended course of sobriety.
To move somewhat steadily through this life,
to know that today, that the only certainty is change
and to stop living in the past where I would wonder,
“Where did I park My Life?”….