As I started my day I noticed that I was going down this mental checklist of the things needing to be done throughout the day.
It happened quite literally as something like the coffee pot was on.
Just one of the items on my checklist.
But honestly – it was as simple as that.
No great light shining over my table as I had my morning coffee.
But as I sipped my last mouthful my mind couldn’t help but know that there is a light.
That understanding of my faith and knowing that I’m not alone.
So, in a sense, there is that light shining down, or more to the point, from within.
So the checklist continues, starting with waking up, not coming to – check one.
Knowing where I am – check two.
To who’s beside me, super grateful for that one – check three.
Glasses on – check four.
And then on my knees so I can stand throughout the day, check – five.
To where I’m in my kitchen having coffee.
As the day progresses I’m more aware of my checklist.
The freedom of making choices, having a job, my health, my family, and friends.
Having faith in my life today.
Knowing that I’m not alone.
What a God-awful way I lived before I came into recovery.
The not knowing, or the big one I seemed to have, “Not even caring.”
That feeling of no one understands, and that I’m all alone can really do a job on one’s mind.
Mental, physical, and spiritual; a three fold disease.
Making those amends when they crop up.
It says in our writings when selfishness, dishonesty, resentments, and fear come upon us we should act.
Not if this should happen – but when.
Following the directions that are laid out before us.
So I continue to go down my checklist.
Staying sober – check.
Staying mindful – check.
Not taking my self so damn seriously – check, check, and check.
Knowing my limitations and strengths.
Learning to, as they say – “let it go.”
To a gratitude list as the day goes by.
So by the end of the day I’m sitting on the side of my bed, being filled with the happiness of “freedom of self.”
Then on my knees so I can sleep right tonight, thanking my higher power for just today, just for today.
I close my eyes and thank God for the willingness to live today.
That I’m sober and aware of all the things on my checklist.
“As I get back out of bed, head down the stairs, and into the kitchen.
So I can turn off the coffee pot!”