“There were many signposts along the way – some I just didn’t see. It all looked so great on paper. ‘I can do this.!’ I would say, if I just follow my list. My list of Signpost…” L.E.Hastings

“When I stopped running towards my higher power and just turned around – He was just standing there…”

L.E.Hastings

The Way it was Supposed to Be

This is a story that started out just like any other in my life.
I wasn’t paying attention in my surroundings or what I was doing.
I had started the day off like most days.
Waking up, and enjoying some quiet time and a cup of coffee.
No big deal, right? Said my prayers, and headed into work.
That’s when it started.
Not the job – but the folks I work with.
As the day began and the folks around started in with their complaints and the, “They should be doing it this way” comments, it was hard enough to stay on task with my own work load. Anyway – as the morning rolled on I began to feel very squirrely, very moody due to outside forces.
Hadn’t I said my prayers this morning?
Hadn’t I started my day off on my knees – so I could stand throughout the day?
With all those good feelings I had started my day out with, was now slowly starting to be drained out of me.
Now before you think I didn’t stop and pray, you’re right. I didn’t?
Looking back now, I can’t think of any good reason why I hadn’t stopped and prayed.
Life was coming at me real fast I guess.
Or, as I said earlier – not paying attention either way I was on autopilot, doing ‘it’ my way.
I headed out to one of our new job sites with two of our clients.
Stayed on task as I often tell my consumer to do while still receiving calls from work on the, ‘He said crap.’
Feeling my serenity being slowly pulled out of my life and trying to stay on my side of the street, while consulting co-workers of their woes was starting to fill the empty spot where my serenity was earlier.
I can see it now – isn’t hindsight always 20/20?
My attitude towards my clients at the job site were on thin ice.
Staying on top of their program and still completing the job we headed out a few minutes early so we could get their lunches and possibly one for me.
I drop them back off at the office and head downtown to a local shop for something to eat and this is where it gets more squirrely.
Noticing the time and realizing that it’s a few minutes ‘til noon and one of the support groups that I attend will be starting up shortly.
I thought – get it, I thought that I could slip in and catch the first part of the meeting then head back to work.
Thinking to myself that there most likely wouldn’t be any parking spot out front but sure enough not only was there one – there were two right across the street.
Oh lucky me. (Thanks God.)
I jumped out of my car and briskly walked across the street that had no traffic, which was a surprise within itself at that time of day.
(Thanks God.)
I headed in – sat down and started to listen to the speaker share.
Oh that sweet serenity following back into me.
(Thanks God.)
Looking up I notice the time and decided that I had better head out, get my lunch and head back to work now that my batteries where fully charged.
I walked down the path to the front of the street and traffic was bad.
So I walked up to the crosswalk and crossed.
Now this is where it gets even squirrelier.
I approach my car and notice that the front bumper had been hit.
“What I heck man!” I said out loud.
I was only in there for like 20 minutes tops and someone ends up hitting my car.
Bending down I see the directional light is broken and pushed in with a large tear in the hard plastic bumper.
What the heck man, this is bull I thought to myself.
Who would hit someone and not say anything?
Slowly feeling the serenity being pulled from me and I stop, take a look and notice that the other side is also broken and pushed in as well.
“What the hell man!” I said out loud.
Okay, okay, let think this through.
I had not too long ago bought a ‘smart phone’ that I spent way too much time looking up ‘Apps’,
I remembered I had down loaded my insurance app onto my phone.
Feeling justified I pull up my new app and low-and-behold I never took the time to fill out the information to get it started.
What the hell man! I thought to myself.
Who would hit someone and not say anything?
Looking at my ‘smart phone’ that makes me feel even dumber with it I decide to call my insurance agent.
Now before I go any further it should be stated that all that wonderful serenity it now gone and replaced with me being pissed.
Here’s how the conversation went.
“Good afternoon, how may we help you?”
“Yah, hi – I’m insured by you and I was just hit. Well not just hit – but someone hit my car while I was inside.”
“Was anyone hurt? Is the other vehicle still there?” “No and no.” I replied.
“Where is your vehicle?”
“Right where I left it before it was hit.”
“Are you currently driving now?”
“No, I’m currently talking to you on the side of the road.” With my ‘smart phone’ to boot I thought to myself.
“Who is your Agent?”
“I don’t know? I think it’s Dan?” I say.
Thinking – what the hell man.
Who would hit someone and not say anything?
“Okay, I think he’s in would you like to talk to him?”
“Well I would like to talk to someone about this – so yah, sure. It’s not like I’m going anywhere yet.
Not ‘til I find out what can be done about this.”
What was that saying, “Justifiable Anger” has no place, yah right – someone hit my car.
What the heck man!
“I’ll put you through now sir. Have a nice day.”
Yah, I’m having tons of fun. I thought.
“Hello, this is Dan. How can I help you?”
“Hi, I have you folks as my insurance carrier.”
“Okay, how can we help? How’s it going?”
“Well not so good right at the moment. Someone hit my car bumper while I was inside.”
“Well that stinks.”
“Yes, yes it does.”
“I don’t know what you guys can do for me? Or what my insurance can cover? But it looks bad!
As I take a step back and now see the lower part of my grill is broken and pushed in too.
“What the hell man!” I said out loud.
“Are you okay?” My Agent asks.
“Yah, yah, I just noticed that my grill is broken also and pushed in. I’m trying to pull the bumper back into place but it won’t move back.”
“No, no, don’t do that! Keep it the way it is. We’ll send out an adjuster to look it over. Is it drivable?”
“It should be, I haven’t gotten behind the wheel yet. Ah man, people stink – who would just drive away. I haven’t had this car a year yet and this happens.”
“This is your new car? You just got that a few months ago didn’t you?”
“Yup! Brand new to me.”
“Okay, so you weren’t in the vehicle and you’re not hurt?”
“Yah, to both question.”
This stinks I thought. As all the serenity is gone out of my body and this is where it gets even squirrelier.
Hold it together, I thought to myself. You headed out to get a bite to eat and stopped at a meeting to get some serenity before heading back to the office. What the heck man! People stink!
“What’s wrong with some people?” I asked my Agent.
“I don’t know? But this happens more than it should I can tell you. Let’s take a look at what you have for coverage and we’ll go from there. Okay?”
“Okay, sure.”
“You still living at you current address?”
“Yes.”
“Great, and can you get me your license number?”
“You want my drivers’ license number?” I asked.
“No.” The one on your vehicle.”
“Okay.” As I take a step back and start reading off the numbers and stop.”
“These are not my numbers.” I said out loud.
Taking a step further back.
“This is not my car. What the heck man!” I added.
“So did you get hit or not?” My Agent asks.
With my head bent down I told him, “No Dan, this is not my car. I’m standing in front of someone else vehicle.”
Now who’s the squirrely one? I thought – this guy!
Good God man, I stopped here to get grounded from the crazies and I’m the biggest one!
“Dan, I’m really sorry I bothered you about this.”
As I take a step back to finally notice that my car, MY car – the one I own is right behind the vehicle I’m standing in front and the only thing that looks the same is the color, other than that, that’s it.
What the hell man!
“Are you okay?” My Agents asks.
“Yah, other than feeling like an ass, I’m fine.”
Who would do something like this? I think to myself. This guy, that’s who.
“So it’s not your vehicle, right?”
“Right.”
“And you’re okay?”
“Yup, just a bit squirrely.”
“Well that’s good, right?”
“Right as rain, Dan.” As I head over to my car to look it over and low-and-behold no dents or scratches. Just the way I left it.
What the heck man? As I start my car up and head back to the office telling Dan one last time what an ass I feel like. Thinking that, yup – I’m the biggest crazy of them all, as I pull into the parking lot thinking, I do belong here and it all ended up The Way it was Supposed to Be…

Walking Stick

Once in a while in my life I’m reminded of the fact that people are still good.

That the human race as a whole doesn’t stink.

Now that I got that out of the way – let me try to put down the experience in a way that even makes sense to me.

Many years ago while walking on one of my hiking trails – my time with God as I’ve come to call them, I came upon one of the biggest beaver houses I’ve ever seen in quite some time. 

Stopping and looking at this engineering master piece I was amazed.

As I continued to walk around I found small sticks that were left behind – never to be used for this animal’s home. 

To say that there were a lot wouldn’t be an exaggeration.

Anyways, I found several pieces that would, in my mind, make an interesting walking stick. 

(Should I ever find the time or better yet – make the time for one of these pieces of wood.)

Finding my way home, and taking the wood from my trunk, making a small wood pile by the side of the house, and telling my dad what I had seen and explaining all the wood.

Dad being himself just says, “Sure.” Adding in. “Would you like some help?”

“Sure pop. That would be nice.” That was that. The end of the conversation. The end of me even thinking of the small wooden pieces of sticks. Just the end. So I thought.

Months later I was cleaning up around the yard, filling the many bags of fallen leaves from our tree.

A little side note here folks. When I was young and growing up, I’ve always wanted a home with a lot of trees. Being an inner city kid now living in the suburbs thinking, ‘What the hell was I thinking at that age?’ as I lifted the last bag onto the huge area I needed for all the leaf bags. Watch out for those dreams of youth, they just might come true.

Anyways, back to that pile of sticks.

Having finished up and coming in to clean off, I had asked my dad about the wood I had brought home. Seeing if he remembered or if he had moved them?

“Sure.” He says. “I threw them all away with the trash weeks ago.”

“You did!” “Why?” I asked.

“They were just sitting there on the ground not doing much of anything but taking up room.”

“Well, I was going to make some walking sticks with some of them one of these days pop.

It would’ve been good to know you were going to get rid of them.” As I finished washing up my hands at the sink.

“There weren’t any real good ones for making canes anyways.” He said, coming into the kitchen with his empty plate and coffee cup. “Besides, you had all summer. It was time for them to go.”

“You’re right pop.” Trying not to be to upset at my dad. “Maybe I can see if there’s still some more by that beaver’s home one of these days.” As I got my own supper and sitting down at the table to eat.

“Well you had plenty of time if you really wanted one.” He said, moving back into the living room. “Thanks pop. You’re right.” I said. Trying not to get mad all over again as I finished up my meal and washing up my dishes and that was that.

The end of the conversation. The end of the subject. So I thought.

As the holidays come flying by as they do once fall comes around.

Treats for the kids in scary costumes.

Family and friends for turkey and more.  

As the morning comes around the tree handing out gifts to love ones is here.

Dad comes out of his room telling me to hold up son, I have one more that I didn’t place under the tree. Getting up off the floor I see him standing there with a stick in his hands.

“Here.” He says, as he passes my gift to me.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“It’s a cane from that pile of wood you were going to work on. I cleaned it up and sanded it down. Stained it up so you could bring it on one of your walks.”

I was so taken back I didn’t know what to say. Well that’s not true, I did know.

“Dad, I thought you threw them all away. Telling me that there weren’t any good ones to use.”

“I lied.” He says with a smile on his face. “I’m old. You can do that when you’re old.”

“Thanks pop. Thank you very much.” And that was the end.

The end of the conversation. The end of the subject. So I thought.

Many years have gone by and that walking stick has been through a lot.

To the ocean, to some mountain tops.

To winter strolls, to neighborhood summer parties.

To camp fires, to quiet walks alone.

To baseball fields, to flea-markets too.

It has gone on so many trips within the back of my truck and has been a staple in almost all of my walks around town that people have even asked, “How much?” or “Where I brought it from?”

That it even surprises me when I tell them that my dad had made it for me years ago out of some sticks I had found by a local beavers house.

So as time passes as it usually does things change.

Some for the good some not so much. But that’s life.

I even brought my cane to my father’s funeral.

Now having picked up my life and slowly start back to the living I found myself going back on those small walks with God.

That should be the end. The end of the story. The end of the conversation. So I thought.

So here I am walking around the streets of a giant size pumpkin festival with my other half and friend. The small children playing dress up and enjoying the fall weather that’s rolling in.

Just enjoying life.

‘Til I had to find the line to relieve myself.

Having found the right line and asking God to please have these people in front of me hurry up so I may go.

I was next in line, moving up and standing in front, I place my cane upon the ground and it disappears right out of my hand!

Just gone.

Looking down at my feet standing on the fallen leafs I found myself kicking at the ground to uncovering a sewer grate that my cane went down.

Just lying to one side quite a ways down.

I had found myself just standing there with complete shock and the need to relieve myself gone.

To say here that my heart was broken would be an understatement.

The emotions that welled up in me were so many that I couldn’t even if I wanted to, put them down here in print.

Needless to say it was my father that came to the surface of my sorrows.

It’s truly gone I thought. That part of my life – that gift from my dad. Just gone.

That should’ve been the end. The end of that part of my life and those journeys. So I thought.

I can’t tell you what the look was on my face as I turned to my friends, but I can guess it was shock. They both looked at me with sympathy and asked if I was okay? Would I be alright?

It’s just a stick I thought to myself and telling them, “Yeah.” – But meaning no.

“We’re so sorry.” My friends said.

“What will you do?” Is all they could say.

Well I would like to tell you that I moved on.

That I stopped thinking that some part of my dad that has been with me for so long was now lost.

That that was the end, right – Nah. I prayed.

Prayed hard to just be okay with the situation.

I started walking again with my friends – but my mind was in overdrive.

I started looking for someone in charge.

Someone that works at this festival that might be of some sort of assistance.

I came upon a young man closing off a small section with rope and I approached him and explained to him what had happened.

Let me try to put it down the way he said it to me.

“What?”

“Your stick?”

“Is your father okay?”

“It’s in where, a sewer?”

“Oh man dude, I don’t know?”

“It’s crazy around here.”

I thanked him for his time and turned away with a heavy heart.

My friends telling me, “Well you tried.”

So we started walking again. Being pulled into the large crowd of people.

Thinking to myself, now what?

As we walked we came upon some men cleaning out some trash. I approached one and expanded myself.

He stopped me in mid-sentence saying, “No man we just pick up the trash and walked away.

One of his co-workers over hearing my woos came over and said to try the tent where the fire station is. Maybe one of those folks could help out and he too turned and walked away.

“Well we could try.” Said one of my friends.

But the overwhelming feeling that it was lost to me started to set in. Then we turned and started walking in the direction of the stations tent.

Now when I say to you that there were a lot of people at this fair – there’s no way I can explain it unless you’ve been to a big sports game.

The Mall on Black Friday or a Zombie Apocalypse. Just a ton of folks.

We could start to see the fire trucks where the tent was as we walked.

Hearing the children playing around them having fun.

Then all of a sudden that young man I first talked to was standing right in front of me saying,

“You’re that guy with the lost stick, right?”

“Where did you say it was?”

My God – my heart skipped a beat!

“It’s right over here.” I pointed.

The young men looked and whistled.

“Damn it’s down there isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Was the only thing that I could come up with to say.

With the look on my face, and my thoughts of my dad, he opened up the sewer and jumped right in. Climbing out and handing me back my walking cane saying, “Here yeah go man.”

“Oh my God.” I said and pull him into me for one of the biggest hugs I had ever given to someone in a long time.

“No big deal.” He said with a laugh.

But it wasn’t just a ‘No big deal’ as he said.

Seeing him get swallowed up by the crowd with my friends standing there looking at me saying,

“That was incredible!”

“We were just talking about how we should help you – but you seem to just walk through it and never give up.”

“That was so cool what he just did!” They added. And that should’ve been it.

The end of the conversation. The end of the subject. The end of the story. So you’ll think, right.

As we headed out and started walking again talking and laughing about our lives and where we’re at in them right now. Hearing the children playing and enjoying life I couldn’t help but think of my dad and thanking God once again we walked upon that same young man not hard at work this time but with his family instead.

Holding his two small children’s hands being a dad and having fun.

With a heart full of joy and a chill in my soul, and thoughts of my father and God, I walked over to him and gave my deepest thanks and with my cane in one hand, I shook his hand with the other.

As my friends and myself walked back into the crowd, back into life, with my head held high with gratitude in my heart to once again be reminded that good people are alive.

That there’s still some goodness around. If I only stop and look around.

While holding my cane, my gift from my dad.

Taking that next step for more journeys ahead.

I stopped and I prayed saying thanks again and holding very tightly that hope is still alive within the human race,

along with my walking stick…