Monthly Archives: September 2012

Walking in my N…

Walking in my New Pair of Shoes

From the first day that I stopped using I was given what the old-timers call a toolbox.
That first day I stepped into that meeting – unbeknownst at the time I was given the
“How to stay sober spiel.” “One day at a time.”
Please don’t get me wrong by making it sound easy – it’s not – but it can be done.
How often have I heard, “It’s a program for those who want it” not a “Program for those who need it.”
If that were the case you likely would never find a seat to sit on when going to a meeting.
But upon getting that toolbox with all of the information on how to do it.
Was a new pair of shoes to walk in.
Now I’m not saying that I’m walking in their shoes – but I am walking the same path as they are or did.
The ones who came before.
The ones that had no idea what was in store for them.
Not that I knew what was going to happen to me in the beginning – still don’t at times.
But they can tell us what lies ahead – down the road, what to expect, what to look out for.
While walking this path of recovery.
Those first brave folks that trudged along what we call “That happy road of destiny,” while walking in their new shoes.
One day during winter time, right after that first big snowfall, I walked outside to start shoveling – not one of my favorite things to do – but I do it anyway.
I walked to the end of my driveway and turned around.
Looking back on the snow-covered driveway and seeing how my footprints look- this must be how the program looked starting out with one walking down making a path.
So I walked back through the snow making sure to step in the same footprints as before.
Stopping and looking back – the path was a little different.
Walking back through the path again to see my trail had grown just a little bit bigger.
I can see now why they told me you don’t have to pave the road, it’s already been done. I just have to walk on the road that started out a small trail and through the years grew to become quite a big road.
The folks that came before me paved the way.
So here I am traveling down this big lane of happy fortune. Trying to stay in the middle where it’s safe and all I have to do is follow the directions the way they’re laid out – oh- and change everything about myself too.
Seeing the people just ahead of me and asking for help or just behind to say watch out, to seeing what works for some – may not work for me or others.
The path or road is very wide now.
What started out as one set of footprints was turned into a small path, then into a small road to the larger highway we walk upon today.
And if I can just keep on doing the next right thing – I can stop and look around.
To take in the scenery – being okay where I am in life – to thanking my higher power for just today.
And the only real worry on this road of healing is not forgetting that I’m powerless.
Getting my life back was but the first of many miracles. Heck, even having to shovel this driveway is one.
As long as I keep on walking this road.
Be open, be willing, and so I have.
I just keep walking.
Being given new shoes for my feet is one way I like to look at it.
Starting a new way of life is just another.
One step at a time. While walking in my New Pair of Shoes…         

“Cookie Dust”

Here’s one passed down from my boss. “Years ago,” she said to me while in her office. “When I was raising my two boys there were a lot of times we just didn’t have a lot of money. Working hard – just to have a roof over our heads and new clothes – not just for school – just new. We didn’t have a lot of extras. So when it came to food, those snacks around the house, you had to be a little creative. So when the cookie jar was empty and the boys wanted something sweet, I would pull out the wax paper. Pour out the cookie crumbs onto the paper and with a little milk or just wet finger tips we would sit at the table enjoying our very own cookie dust that the cookie man left behind. You’ll be amazed on how much fun you can have while trying to figure out what kind of cookie crumbs you’re eating.” She said laughing. So pass that one along folks. When you need that snack for your kids. Be creative.

The Other One T…

The Other One Too

There I was not knowing that I had done it right or not.
Running through the living room and into the kitchen.
Stopping there in front of my mom.
She was so happy when she looked down at me.
The kitchen smelled of dough and cinnamon.
She stopped what she was doing, I think she was baking. Because she reached over the stove and gave me a cookie.
“You have made me real proud,” she said and leaned over to give me a kiss on the forehead.
“Mom. Shh,” I said with my hands on my hips. “I’m not a child you know.”
She just smiled at me and said, “ I know my small grown man.”
I walked to the window and saw that my dad was cutting the grass and it made me feel all excited again.
Running out the kitchen through the back hall and out through the side door, I sprang. “Dad, Dad!” I yelled over the sound of the lawn mower.
But he couldn’t hear me.
Is he gonna’ see me? I thought. Dad always said never play or run around when he’s doing the lawn. But I just had to show him.
“Dad, Dad!” I yelled again.
Just then my father was turning a corner with the lawn mower. When he saw me he waved.
“Dad!” I yelled again.
As my father turned around with the lawnmower and was coming towards me, he must have seen how excited I was and stopped the machine.
“What is it son?” He asked as he walked up the side of the walkway brushing grass off his pants.
He stopped in front of me wiping the sweat off his forehead with a handkerchief he took out of his pocket and looked down at me.
Is he gonna’ see? I was so happy.
“Dad, look, look!”
My father must have thought that I had gone mad. There I was jumping up and down screaming, “Look, Look!”
“Look at what son?” My father asked, looking at me and over to our house. “Is everything okay?”
“Has something happened to your mother?” He asked, looking past me again.
“No, no Dad, look at me.”
My father stopped and looked at me. He looked me up and down.
He had to see, he just had to. I was so proud.
“Well, son,” he said, “just what am I looking at here?”
As I looked up at him and said, “ Mom says she’s so proud of me,” as the words came out in a rush of air.
“She even gave me a cookie,” I said. As I tried to breathe in just as the words were flowing out of me.
Well, only one, but it was close to dinner time I told him.
With my hands down at my side, my head held high. I put one foot out so my Dad could see.
“Well, son, that is something,” he said as he put his handkerchief away.
“Your Mom’s right, that is something to be very proud of. Very proud indeed.”
This is great I thought to myself, when my mom saw, she gave me a treat.
Just think what my father would give me.
My thoughts were everywhere.
“Son, I’ll tell you what I’ll do for you.”
This is it, maybe he’ll give me some money so I can buy some candy down at the corner store or maybe?
“Son, since you’re so grown up now,” he said with a smile on his face, “I’ll tell you what.” Here it comes I thought, closing my eyes and putting my hand out for my Dad.
“You can help with the rest of the lawn,” he said.
As he turned and walked away I could hear him say.
“Great job on tying your shoe.
But before you help me make sure you do The Other One Too.”…